It’s been one month since I started the program and several of you have asked “what have you learned”? “Is it hard?” “Aren’t you too old”? and well you get the drift…..most of the questions are negatively phrased as if I’m doing something totally crazy and contradictory to my age. Well, let me say that the physical part is not what has been difficult….yes, can you believe it? I’m not worried about how ‘hard’ it is. What has been hard is the commitment…it’s getting up at the crack of dawn in the freezing cold weather and driving 25 minutes (even thought I live 4 miles from the city…don’t ask) into the city to meet my tribe and my teacher, who by the way, are also making the same sacrifice. But once I enter the warm room and hear everyone’s breath, all my negative thoughts melt away.
I have found that I have fallen in love with my teacher, and that I no longer come to mysore practice for myself; I come for my teacher who trusts I will make that commitment, I come for all the other committed students who expect me to be there and I realize that it’s not about me anymore. Wow, it’s NOT ABOUT ME.
I’m learning to let go, to trust my teachers, to trust the process. I am learning not to analyze things so much and to just do what I am expected as a student of ashtanga yoga – and you know what? I feel a sense of freedom and total peace with it. I am learning that it’s so much more than the asana. It’s about showing up, it’s about commitment, its about discipline, and it’s about love.
I am writing this blog in the midst of great turmoil in my personal life; no I’m not getting divorced and my children are not in jail, but some crazy shit has happened in 2013, and yet…these events do not define how I live and how I feel and I have to say – it’s my practice that has kept me grounded and feeling joyful in the midst of chaos! What a gift I have been given, how fortunate am I to have found this practice!
I am grateful to Pattabhi Jois and his grandson Sharath for sharing the lineage with us. I know it has changed many lives, not just mine!